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Man vs Wild

May 5, 2008 6 comments

I watch this show on TV (actually, over the internet) called “Man vs Wild”. It’s all about this British ex-special forces guy named Bear Grylls that takes a camera crew out on these insane trips through the most dangerous places in the world. No, not Harlem at 3 AM, or a buffet during all-you-can-eat shrimp night, but places like the Australian bush, the Congo, and the Amazon. He eats very gross things, like larva, bugs, dead animals he finds, and raw fish right out of the river. He is totally unassisted (to a point), so he has to eat what he can find, and survive without help.

I’m fascinated! I can live vicariously through this guy, and pretend like the survival tips he teaches will be used at some point in my life. I can imagine it now. My family and I are camping at a state park, and our tent blows away and gets shredded to pieces. What do we do??? Well, since there may be coyotes in the area, we need to sleep in the trees…duh! (Obviously you don’t watch the show.) We can’t just jump up into any tree, of course. We need to check for ants at the base of the tree. There is nothing worse that ant bites that cause your hands to swell up and burn. We need to make sure our food is hung from the tree, so that it won’t get eaten by rabid raccoons. And of course, we need to save our urine in case of a water shortage, or if we need to soak our shirts and wrap them around our heads to stay cool in the scorching sun (true story, I saw him do it). If that ever happens, I’ll survive. In the meantime, my wife will take out her cell phone, reserve a hotel, drive off in our minivan with the kids, and wake up fully refreshed with a continental breakfast. But hey, I survived in the wild, and besides, what’s the difference between eggs and bacon for breakfast, and dead-tree grubs??? Nothing…nothing at all.