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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

AT&T FAIL

July 6, 2010 1 comment

I didn’t have reception when I took this picture. With AT&T’s Service. With their iPhone 4. That they were advertising. At this store.

FAIL

Cadbury Egg Destruction Videos Day (Rube Goldberg/Mousetrap Massacre)

March 24, 2009 3 comments

In honor of the upcoming Easter holiday, and in honor of one of my wife’s favorite candies, I now present two incredible (edible) videos.  The first is a slow motion mousetrap Cadbury Egg massacre.  The second is an incredible Rube Goldberg experiment.  8000 steps to destroy a Cadbury Egg.  VERY cool.  Enjoy, these are delicious treats for your eyes.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

August 29, 2008 Leave a comment

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

John McCain: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER” side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2008 which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never ever cra…&$%#@…reboot.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

Dick Cheney: Where’s my gun?

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Defense mechanism???

August 7, 2008 Leave a comment

Wasps have venom as a defense mechanism. I would like to suggest it’s more of an offensive mechanism. While mowing tonight I scared up a nest of yellow jackets. I didn’t see them and bam, bam! I thought I had thrown little pieces of sticks into my left shin at about 300 mph. I looked down, saw wasps, and ran. Then yelled at my neighbors for some wasp spray. I got my weapon, and found the nest, and took care of the problem. Their defensive mechanism just made me mad and come back and kill them. They should’ve left me alone. My leg still burns though. I’m sure they are laughing in their little waspy graves.

Categories: Humor Tags: , ,

Finally, Science Has Given Us Something Wonderful!

Sooooo, Lael, myself, and our two children were at Walmart tonight, feeding the giant maw of corporate America with our hard earned cash, and I saw a wonderful invention that I had to own. An automatic tummy rubber? No. A shoe slicer? Nope, not even close. A horse de-icer? Only in my dreams! No, it was a single serving mocha latte in a SELF-HEATING container! Finally, those million dollar grants to the International Consortium of Single Serving Beverage Purveyors have paid off!

In the morning I will take my $2.00 (I know…I know…it was my splurge item) mug of coffee, flip it over, take off the tamper resistant foil cover, press a small button for 10 seconds releasing green water into a package of quicklime, flip said mug back over, place on a heat proof surface, wait 5-8 minutes until a red spot on the mug turns white showing that the beverage is at optimum temperature, shake well, turn the cover 90 degrees, pop open the tab, and enjoy my hot mocha latte! Talk about convenient!

[UPDATE:  It worked!  It wasn’t mouth skin melting hot like our coffee maker, but it tasted good, and was ready in about 5 minutes.  I got it “brewing”, did some stuff, came back, and the spot was white, and it was good to go, for 2 bucks, it’s a little expensive, but for camping, long drives, quick fixes, etc., it’s MUCH cheaper than Starbucks, and cleaner and faster than brewing your own]

Advertising?

May 31, 2008 4 comments

Will someone PLEASE explain the point of this ad to me? Lael and I went out to dinner last night, thanks to Aunt Jessica watching the chitlins, and bought her a Cinnabon in payment. Yes, we’re cheap. We had to walk through Macy’s to get to the little store with a halo above the sign and angels perpetually singing (my wife, I think this is how she views Cinnabon). I took it on my phone, and can’t figure out how to rotate it, so I apologize for any sore necks. I think this is a very odd photo. Perhaps not thrown to a focus group, or the focus group decided to play a trick on the ad agency. “Oh yeah, that’s great, we understand the message perfectly! And there is nothing odd about that picture. Giant crotches on ads that make no sense are awesome!”

Maybe it was because my judgment was impaired after eating most of a giant 14oz hickory smoked sirloin at a new restaurant called Texas Land and Cattle. It was delicious. It wasn’t grilled, so it was the consistency of a prime rib. Here is a picture. I’d recommend the restaurant to anyone!

Hilarious Story About a Guy Roping a Deer

I don’t know that this is absolutely true, but it made me laugh.  Best story I’ve heard in awhile.  Thanks Matt!

http://www.bloggingwv.com/corn-fed-venison-it-looked-good-on-paper/

Political Joke

Senators John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barak Obama were in an airplane flying to a debate.

John McCain decided to break the tension.  “You know what?  I could drop a 1,000 dollar bill out of this plane and make one person very happy.”

Hillary Clinton, not to be one upped by John, spoke next.  “Well, I could drop ten 100 dollar bills and make ten people very happy!”

Obama, smug as ever, piped up.  “That’s nothing!  I could drop one thousand 1 dollar bills out the window and make 1,000 people happy!”

The pilot, fed up with their little competition, decided to say something.

“Guys, I could put this plane into the side of a mountain and make 365 million people very happy…”

Women Explained By Engineers (In Pictures)

May 6, 2008 1 comment

I just have to post these pictures. I can’t believe how offensive and totally untrue they are. I’ve NEVER thought these things about women…ever……never ever….not even once.

I’m sure you all will agree with me…right????

Thanks to J.C. for these.  Click on them once to enlarge, then again to view full size, if you have trouble reading them.  I didn’t post them full size for the sake of those with dial-up.

Man vs Wild

May 5, 2008 6 comments

I watch this show on TV (actually, over the internet) called “Man vs Wild”. It’s all about this British ex-special forces guy named Bear Grylls that takes a camera crew out on these insane trips through the most dangerous places in the world. No, not Harlem at 3 AM, or a buffet during all-you-can-eat shrimp night, but places like the Australian bush, the Congo, and the Amazon. He eats very gross things, like larva, bugs, dead animals he finds, and raw fish right out of the river. He is totally unassisted (to a point), so he has to eat what he can find, and survive without help.

I’m fascinated! I can live vicariously through this guy, and pretend like the survival tips he teaches will be used at some point in my life. I can imagine it now. My family and I are camping at a state park, and our tent blows away and gets shredded to pieces. What do we do??? Well, since there may be coyotes in the area, we need to sleep in the trees…duh! (Obviously you don’t watch the show.) We can’t just jump up into any tree, of course. We need to check for ants at the base of the tree. There is nothing worse that ant bites that cause your hands to swell up and burn. We need to make sure our food is hung from the tree, so that it won’t get eaten by rabid raccoons. And of course, we need to save our urine in case of a water shortage, or if we need to soak our shirts and wrap them around our heads to stay cool in the scorching sun (true story, I saw him do it). If that ever happens, I’ll survive. In the meantime, my wife will take out her cell phone, reserve a hotel, drive off in our minivan with the kids, and wake up fully refreshed with a continental breakfast. But hey, I survived in the wild, and besides, what’s the difference between eggs and bacon for breakfast, and dead-tree grubs??? Nothing…nothing at all.