Finally, Science Has Given Us Something Wonderful!

Sooooo, Lael, myself, and our two children were at Walmart tonight, feeding the giant maw of corporate America with our hard earned cash, and I saw a wonderful invention that I had to own. An automatic tummy rubber? No. A shoe slicer? Nope, not even close. A horse de-icer? Only in my dreams! No, it was a single serving mocha latte in a SELF-HEATING container! Finally, those million dollar grants to the International Consortium of Single Serving Beverage Purveyors have paid off!

In the morning I will take my $2.00 (I know…I know…it was my splurge item) mug of coffee, flip it over, take off the tamper resistant foil cover, press a small button for 10 seconds releasing green water into a package of quicklime, flip said mug back over, place on a heat proof surface, wait 5-8 minutes until a red spot on the mug turns white showing that the beverage is at optimum temperature, shake well, turn the cover 90 degrees, pop open the tab, and enjoy my hot mocha latte! Talk about convenient!

[UPDATE:  It worked!  It wasn’t mouth skin melting hot like our coffee maker, but it tasted good, and was ready in about 5 minutes.  I got it “brewing”, did some stuff, came back, and the spot was white, and it was good to go, for 2 bucks, it’s a little expensive, but for camping, long drives, quick fixes, etc., it’s MUCH cheaper than Starbucks, and cleaner and faster than brewing your own]

Advertising?

Will someone PLEASE explain the point of this ad to me? Lael and I went out to dinner last night, thanks to Aunt Jessica watching the chitlins, and bought her a Cinnabon in payment. Yes, we’re cheap. We had to walk through Macy’s to get to the little store with a halo above the sign and angels perpetually singing (my wife, I think this is how she views Cinnabon). I took it on my phone, and can’t figure out how to rotate it, so I apologize for any sore necks. I think this is a very odd photo. Perhaps not thrown to a focus group, or the focus group decided to play a trick on the ad agency. “Oh yeah, that’s great, we understand the message perfectly! And there is nothing odd about that picture. Giant crotches on ads that make no sense are awesome!”

Maybe it was because my judgment was impaired after eating most of a giant 14oz hickory smoked sirloin at a new restaurant called Texas Land and Cattle. It was delicious. It wasn’t grilled, so it was the consistency of a prime rib. Here is a picture. I’d recommend the restaurant to anyone!

Women Explained By Engineers (In Pictures)

I just have to post these pictures. I can’t believe how offensive and totally untrue they are. I’ve NEVER thought these things about women…ever……never ever….not even once.

I’m sure you all will agree with me…right????

Thanks to J.C. for these.  Click on them once to enlarge, then again to view full size, if you have trouble reading them.  I didn’t post them full size for the sake of those with dial-up.

Man vs Wild

I watch this show on TV (actually, over the internet) called “Man vs Wild”. It’s all about this British ex-special forces guy named Bear Grylls that takes a camera crew out on these insane trips through the most dangerous places in the world. No, not Harlem at 3 AM, or a buffet during all-you-can-eat shrimp night, but places like the Australian bush, the Congo, and the Amazon. He eats very gross things, like larva, bugs, dead animals he finds, and raw fish right out of the river. He is totally unassisted (to a point), so he has to eat what he can find, and survive without help.

I’m fascinated! I can live vicariously through this guy, and pretend like the survival tips he teaches will be used at some point in my life. I can imagine it now. My family and I are camping at a state park, and our tent blows away and gets shredded to pieces. What do we do??? Well, since there may be coyotes in the area, we need to sleep in the trees…duh! (Obviously you don’t watch the show.) We can’t just jump up into any tree, of course. We need to check for ants at the base of the tree. There is nothing worse that ant bites that cause your hands to swell up and burn. We need to make sure our food is hung from the tree, so that it won’t get eaten by rabid raccoons. And of course, we need to save our urine in case of a water shortage, or if we need to soak our shirts and wrap them around our heads to stay cool in the scorching sun (true story, I saw him do it). If that ever happens, I’ll survive. In the meantime, my wife will take out her cell phone, reserve a hotel, drive off in our minivan with the kids, and wake up fully refreshed with a continental breakfast. But hey, I survived in the wild, and besides, what’s the difference between eggs and bacon for breakfast, and dead-tree grubs??? Nothing…nothing at all.

Foods I Love, But Shouldn’t Eat

This is a depressing list to make, because I love these foods, but I know I shouldn’t eat them.  What’s your favorite bad-for-you food?

• Macaroni and Cheese
• Pizza
• Chips and French Onion Dip
• French Fries
• Fried Mushrooms
• Burgers
• Bacon
• Shrimp
• Peanut M&Ms
• Gummy Candies
• Donuts
• Ice Cream
• Chinese Buffets
• Oreos
• Hot Dogs
• Steaks
• Movie Theater Popcorn
• Large Tubs of Butter
• 3 foot long Pixie Sticks
• Big Mike’s Heart Attack on a Platter
• Beef Grease

The last few may not be quite my favorites…but you get the picture.  Fry it up, I like it.  Salt it up, I like it.  Why are the best tasting foods so bad for you????

My Quirky Habit

Here’s a weird thing I do, and have done for years. I eat soup straight from the can. I know, just when you think you know a person, and being to enjoy his company, he tells you THIS! I’m been going to lukewarm soup eaters anonymous (LSEA, in no way affiliated with the local Christian ministry of ALMOST the same name). But I’m not cured. I don’t like taking the time, and dealing with the mess, of dumping the soup into a bowl, heating it up, eating said soup, then cleaning up after myself. I eat at work most of the time, and time is precious. Plus, the difference between cold soup and warm soup doesn’t make or break the meal for me. I was excited when they started to put those pull-tab quick-open tops on cans. When I used to work production during the summer during college, I would just put the soup on my dash in my car (where I would eat), and that actually got it warm. Not anymore. I know I may lose a lot of readers because of this, but I had to get this off of my chest. <whew> I feel much better now…

The Root of All Evil

You may read the title of this post and say, “Oh boy, this is going to be a really serious discussion on money.  I’m going to skip this post, and go back to whittling that piece of wood I found on the shore of Lake Michigan last summer into a bear holding a fish”.

If you have said this, you are wrong.  And need to find a new hobby.  I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about slow drivers.  In the last 24 hours, I have had the opportunity to learn patience and self-control while driving.  Last night, it was late, and I really wanted to get home, and I was stuck behind someone going 40 in a 55 zone.  Finally, I was to my turn, and guess what…their turn signal started blinking, slowly flashing, pointing in the direction I was going, taunting me with every blink.  I was aware that I was getting upset, so I had to calm myself down.  Today, on my way home from work, it was 40 in a 50, and the truck was about 300 years old, made of rust, and smelled like a burning oil refinery.  Same thing, I had to have self-control.  It’s funny, the more you learn about what is wrong, the more you realize how bad you actually are.  It’s not killing people, or stealing, or watching Jerry Springer, it’s the thoughts about others, the frustrations, and the little things that we do that end up being the “sins of the day”.  Life as a believer is a constant tweaking of who we are as a person, and the continuous “putting to death” of the flesh.  These slow drivers were the root of all evil to me, at those moments.  It was at the forefront of my mind.

On another note, Bryce is sitting on the floor, playing.  He’s so funny.  He’ll look at me, smile, and yell.  He’s such a cute kid.  I can’t believe in little over a week he’ll be on an operating table.  We have peace about it, but I still have a sadness that wells up when I think of my little boy having such an invasive surgery done to his body.  He has such a personality now, he’s not just a sleeping, pooping, eating baby anymore, he’s Bryce, the kid that loves to yell, enjoys his ring toys, smiles all the time, and loves rubbing his gums on his teether…  We trust God fully, and still pray for a miracle!!

Writer’s Block

It’s difficult to write when I’m exhausted, so here we go.

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To summarize:

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I hope this makes sense…

🙂

Today was a great day, I had a good day at work, very productive. I felt good about how things went, and how I treated people. I left from work to drive straight into South Bend to spend some time with some friends of ours, and my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew for dinner (along with my family of course). We took five kids to the park after having a great dinner. We had three two year olds, a seven month old, and a 2 1/2 month old. It was fun, but not dissimilar to trying to lasso 45 drunken calves with a piece of dental floss four inches long. I may be exaggerating a small bit, but you get the picture. I’m fascinated at how much energy little kids have, and conversely, how little I have the older I get. It’s worth it though. Even though a two year old can be very independent, headstrong, and disobedient; the times that she says “Daddy, dance!”, or “Daddy, play!”, make it all worth it.

Lunchtime Update- Jack Handey Quotes

I’m stuck in my office at lunch. I’m giving a plant tour (warehouse, not foliage) sometime this afternoon, so I can’t leave. I thought I’d post some of Jack Handey’s “Deep Thoughts”. These are funny little thoughts on life. I will then try to do my own, and will fail miserably, causing many of you to swear off reading my blog, others to cry like 14 year old girls watching American Idol’s Dave Archuleta sing, and yet others of you to destroy your computer, and move to the hills to live as a hermit.

Jack Handey’s Deep Thoughts

“Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.”

“When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”

“If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.”

“It’s true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don’t tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.”

“I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.”

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

“I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, “If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky.” Just then the eclipse would start, and they’d probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”

 

Joel Nafziger’s Deep Thoughts

I bet if you were watching a comedy on TV, and you laughed until you died, someone would write an article about it, and someone would be reading that article and think it’s funny, and die laughing, and someone would write an article about that person dying, and someone would read it, think it’s funny…..

Once I thought I had won the lottery, but then I realized, everyone gets money when they buy a 5 dollar McDonald’s meal with a 10 dollar bill.

I don’t think that clowns should be able to drive. Why, you may ask? Because they’re stupid. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I do not think that clowns are stupid. I rather like them. No offense Neil)

I bet it would be really funny to paint all the flowers in the world black, so that bees couldn’t find them, and then they would starve, but while they are dying, one of them would find out that they were tricked, and then they would all still die. But at least they would die laughing at the joke.